When he says that you and he are done...

Friends, this isn't going to be one of those well written posts..

if I even write those ever anyway..

This is a post from the heart, it could be raw and it definitely is going to be real.

You know that happy family I love to blog and share with you so often?

Things ain't like that anymore.

My husband's words to me are that he and I are done.

If I was in a group of three women..he would not pick me.

Nearly 10 years I have invested into creating a family life and culture with this man.

Ten years I have given him every ounce of my heart.

I have followed him and stood behind each of his dreams and endevors.

Yet here I am.

My mind is blown...and my heart, broken.

So here I am...laying in bed with my 8 year old son.

Tears streaming down my cheek as I allow the brokenness to come out because he

is asleep and I can let my guard down. 

I have to put on the smile in spite of it all in front of my boy, he needs me.

I lay here and wonder how to put a whole new life together. 

I know without a doubt that this is an absolutely blustery winter season I have just stepped 

into.

I HATE IT!

I DON'T WANT IT!

But there is nothing I can do to change another's mind or heart.

But,

 without a doubt I know...after this nasty winter, spring and summer will approach in my life again.

As I continue to do my best to smile now through the storm I have a chunk missing from my heart,

but I know I will be restored to a much better place than it was previously. I trust that to be true.

Doesn't mean this doesn't still royally suck in this moment.

This is a nasty season that I didn't prepare for nor want. 

But I'll will walk through it, and do my best to walk through it well.

Friends, I promise this blog will not take on a negative feel but I don't promise that

I won't share my feelings, thoughts and a candid look at my life as I walk through

this time in my life.

This now is part of my journey, part of my story...and so I must share it in hopes that

someone else will be blessed out of it at some point.

I NEVER imagined that I would be looking a divorce in the face.

NEVER.

If any of you have extra pairs of those big girl panties I keep hearing about please

email me so I can give you my mailing address and you can send them to me.

I'm going to need all the help I can get. 

It is so, so important for me to tell you sweet friends, once again, how much

your friendships mean to me...You have already sustained me soo much during

this nasty time. Your emails, texts and tweets always seem to come at the times

I need them most. I am truly humbled by your support and love. Thank you!